Yep, to anyone who wants to ask “no we won’t be having another baby”. There’s something about ‘only’ having one that causes people to ask “so when’s baby number two arriving?” its like a reflex reaction, as if the thought of sticking with one child isn’t normal – surely there must be more? As it turns out when I look to the future it doesn’t include another ‘hit by a train’ style birth or pacing up and down the hall at three in the morning praying the little poppet stops crying and goes to sleep before I actually die of tiredness. But I can’t help but feel a nagging little stigma hovering over my head though… Is it ok to stick with one?
Don’t get me wrong, its not that I don’t love being a mum because I do (which is lucky because thats all I do) but I’m not sure I’m built to be a mum of two. I went through a BIG broody phase last year when the NCT pals were getting knocked-up again, not that I wanted a baby at that point (the thought of having a two year old and a newborn gives me cold sweats) but I wasn’t ready to never be pregnant again. Nature is a funny thing, it makes you forget any bad stuff and somehow turn the whole experience of pregnancy into a sentimental movie (where you’re not peeing every five minutes, crying at ads on TV, or experiencing chronic heart burn).
This year things feel different, a bit like the old cliche ‘getting my life back’. Pre-school starts soon and I’ll actually have some time and space each week to do a few things that I enjoy – a luxury I know, even the mere thought conjures up a bit of guilt (FFS). Life with one is surely easier, I never thought I’d be ‘that’ mum but I think I am. I just have to pretend I don’t feel guilty for putting myself first or for not giving her all the fun of a sibling, or wonder if life would have been more complete with two kids. So, all good then.
I was clearing out old baby stuff the other day, trying to bring myself to get rid of a few bits. It probably sounds daft but to me anything she has touched as a baby is irreplaceable so must be hoarded and stored forever and ever. Not the Vtech Crawl & Learn ball though, that can piss off. I had a bit of a wobble when we sold the old car seat too. We brought her home from the hospital in that so it feels like another part of history that should be preserved with the other stuff. That probably is a step too far though, crying over a MaxiCosi Pebble.
Will just have to reassure myself that she WILL have friends and she WON’T be socially impaired because she doesn’t have a sibling at home to kick the crap out her, tease her ALL the time, and steal her stuff. I read that Adele is an only child, so it can’t be that bad. Hormones are a cruel mistress though, maybe they’ll get the better of me and I’ll change my tune as I approach 40 (which is worryingly close already), but for now its one and done without the ‘only’.